'meh'

other than feeling stressed, tired and other emotions that i cant describe

im feeling so meh. i dont know the reason why but i really cant be stuffed doing anything anymore and its just the start of the year. the fact that im feeling so meh that im becoming more fustrated with myself. its like a mixture of worrying about my future, stress from homework, and being the perfect child/kid whatever you may call me. and i know theres no such thing as being perfect - ive heard the lectures so many times. meh.

i hate this. it makes me feel so useless. i cant even express my emotions properly because its so messed up. sometimes ill look so hyped and happy yet feel so depressed inside. and at times i look depressed yet theres nothing that i feel that makes me feel sad.

ive never felt so bored in my life. usually i would always be able to find something amusing to do in my spare time or something but its like all the creativity within me has just been drawn out. i cant do anything.

even afterschool today i walked past my level coordinator and she was like, " isnt she wonderful? shes always happy and smiling" to my homeroom teacher.

i wish.

no seriously i do really wish that i could feel the same as what im expressing. failure at being me. hopeless really.

the only thing that still keeps me going and thinking un-emo-ly would probably be him right now. he always know what to say or do to make me happy. (L) him.

:( if only i can cry it all out. but i cant. it doesnt work and wont feel right. theres no point of crying if i dont know the reason why. if only everything can be solved with a formula. i dont care how hard, how long or how complex the formula is. i just need to get out of this phase before i start rebelling against everyone and throw away everything that i have worked on for my whole life.

i cant even be stuffed typing cheerios because it sounds so happy. and im not happy so im not going to even say anything. meh